Monday, March 7, 2011

Human FAQ

What I want to know is this: Why do humans ask questions when they don't care to know what the answer its?

For instance: Tonight Laura was cooking something in the kitchen, and it smelled very good, so I decided to go and see what was up.

Laura saw me and she said, "Princess Kendal, how's it going?"

I told her it would be going a whole lot better if she would share what she was cooking with me. But Laura just smiled and turned back to her pan and didn't give me any!

Then there are all the times that I go to Laura to tell her that it's dinner time. I stand right in front of her and give her my very best "it's dinnertime" look.

But humans have trouble with looks. Laura doesn't always understand what I mean. Still, she recognizes that I want something. So she says, "Princess Kendal, what can I do for you?"

And I tell her very clearly, "You could get me my dinner."

I don't just rely on The Look. And neither do I rely on telepathy. (Humans have trouble with that sometimes too.) No, I am very clear. I explain myself using full body language and the proper choreography and everything. I know that Laura understands my answer.

Still, she just smiles and says, "You're cute, Princess Kendal. Cheeky, but cute." And then she goes on about her business like we never had the conversation at all!

Laura's pretty smart for a human, so I don't think it's a lack of understanding. It's more of a willful oblivion. But why ask the question at all if you're not going to respond appropriately to the answer?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

When It's Good to Let Them See You Sweat

Hi everybody!

The weather has been up and down again here, which has made my snow all icy again. Now the snow has such a hard icy crust on top of it, I don't even sink into the deepest snow. I cannot roll around in it or rub my face in it. I'm even afraid to rub my belly on it, because it is so slippery: what if I couldn't stand up again? Still, I have to go out in the yard every day to make sure it is okay. What is a Princess to do?

My brother Ashton, when he was alive, told me never to show any weakness. Don't let them know that you're afraid. Ashton was pretty smart. He had some good ideas. But I don't think he was always right about this one.

For example, many of you know how much I love to play towel games. Well, lately Laura has been very busy, so we don't always get to play towel games, even when I've really been outside. We still play every night at bedtime, though.

Usually at the end of the day I am very tired. (It is hard work being a Princess.) And usually I am already in bed long before Laura decides that it is bed time. And then she wants me to get up to go outside with her before she goes to bed! I always make sure to let her know what an imposition this is. Then Laura says:

"Come on, Princess Kendal. Come outside with me one last time. Then we can play towel games!"

See how that works? If I am too eager to go outside, Laura thinks I will be happy to just go outside and then come back in again and let her go right back to her computer without playing towel games first. But if I make like I don't want to go outside, then Laura will promise me towel games as an incentive to get me to go!

So this morning, when we went outside and it was all icy, I made sure to let Laura know just how nervous I was about slip-sliding away on top of all of that scary ice. And Laura said:

"Come on, Princess Kendal. You can do it. Be a brave girl for Laura. Then we can play towel games!"

And I got Laura to play towel games with me at six o'clock in the morning!

Monday, February 21, 2011

They're Back!

Even though I was sad and lonely on Friday night, I stayed in Laura's and my room all night and did a good job guarding it so that it would be safe when Laura got back home. And when I woke up from my morning nap on Saturday, there was Laura sitting right beside me!

I was faithful to my snow too. Even when there was only a tiny patch of it left in our yard, I went outside and played with it and told it that I loved it. And my faith was rewarded! It finally turned cold again Friday night, and the snow stopped melting. And Saturday afternoon when Laura and I went out to play, look at what we found:

It's Back!

All of my beautiful snow came back!

Snowy Nose



Life is good.

Winter Wonderland

Friday, February 18, 2011

All Alone

Everyone has left me.

All my beautiful snow is melting away. My snow that I worked so hard to make sure it knew I appreciated it.

Even when it turned icy and hard, when it was scary to walk on and my toes fell through into sharp holes that hurt my little paw pads, I still went out every day to play with the snow.


Even when it turned wet and slushy, I let it know how much I loved it.

Love Slush

Slushy snow is fun to play in too, and it shouldn't be left out just because it is a little wet.

Love Slush

But it didn't do any good. All of my beautiful snow is leaving me anyway.

Don't Leave

Even Laura has left me. I moved my bed from my special, safe spot under the kitchen table to be in her room so I could help her with her writing, and she still went away.

"I'll be back soon, Princess Kendal," she always says to me. "Don't be sad."

But when is soon? It's bed time already and she's not here! And why does she have to leave me at all? She's always saying how wonderful and good I am.


Please come back! Snow? Laura? I'm here. I'm waiting.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

House Hunting

I had to help Laura look for a new house this week. Not for us though--thankfully. We have moved house enough! Nope. I have my bed in a nice safe corner here, and I can keep an eye on Laura when she is working, and I only have to go right outside our back door to play in my nice, big yard. I like this house that we have already just fine. But we don't want it to get too crowded. There are already three humans living here and one Princess, and that is enough. So when a little mouse tried to move in with us earlier this week we said, "Sorry. That is not going to happen."

Lots of mice are attracted to our house, especially in the winter time, because it is warm and we have peanut butter cookies. Laura says it is good to share the peanut butter with them, because we have lots of food, but she doesn't think we should share our beds. So she puts some peanut butter in a little box and puts the box under the sink, and then all the mice that come to visit us go in there.

At first I thought the little box would be the new home for our house mice. The mice are very small, and the box has peanut butter in it, and a big sky light. I like to watch the mice play through their sky light. They are cute and they smell interesting.

Laura said watching the mice made them nervous, however, and we needed the box back to put fresh peanut butter in it for the next mice who come to visit us. So Laura and I take the mice into the yard to help them find a new home.

I thought the wood pile on the back wall of the house might be a good spot. It is warm in there, and it has lots of fun places in which a little mouse could play hide and seek. Plus, I go by that wood pile every day, so I could keep an eye out for those mice. (Not to scare them. Just to make sure that they are okay.)

Laura wasn't convinced though. She said that once mice find out you have peanut butter they can get lazy. She said if we left the mice in the wood pile by the house they might not bother to build a nest there; they'd just sneak back into our house and make another play for ours!

That seemed pretty cheeky to me, but I guess mice can be cheeky. Laura would know better than me as she has more experience with them. She had a bunch of mice try to share her office with her one time. They would camp out under her desk while she was sitting at it, and when she left the room, they sometimes climbed on top of her desk, danced on her keyboard, and left little love notes for her on her computer.

Those mice made a nest for themselves inside one of the computers. The computer didn't like that very much so it went on strike. And its manufacturer said, "Sorry. Damage caused by rodent piss on the motherboard is not covered in the warranty."

So, anyway... no mouse hotel in the big wood pile. Instead, we took that little mouse down to the brush pile by the shed. I cannot see inside the brush pile very well in the winter because it is covered in snow, but Laura said it should make a fine home for our little visitors and hopefully it would be easier for them to build a nest in the brush pile than find their way all the way back to our peanut butter. Me, I'm not so sure. Our peanut butter is very yummy, and--I love Laura, but let's face it: she doesn't have a very good track record with convincing small animals to stay away from her. But--so long as I don't have to move house again or give up my bed--I'm willing to try Laura's plan for now.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Snow Princess

I love the winter time.

Winter Wonderland

It is so much fun to play in the snow.

Snow Play

Especially when there is lots and lots of it, and you can bury your whole face in it.

Dive Right In

Snow feels so soft and cool on your face.

But not everybody loves snow. When I look around, I see people griping and complaining about it.

Looking Around

That makes me sad. If people were always saying mean things about me like they say about snow, I would be sad and run away. I don't want my snow to run away! So everyday I make sure to tell it how much I love it with a big hug.

Snow Hugging

And a kiss.

Snow Kissing

A french kiss!

Snowy French Kiss

(Tee hee!)

I was worried back in December because our snow was so shy about coming out to play. We would have just the barest whisper come and visit us, and then it would run away again. But I made sure to run all over the yard every day and tell that snow how much I love it. And it worked! Now lots and lots of snow has come to play with me and we frolic and have fun every day!

Having Fun

If you have snow visiting you where you live, I hope you remember to appreciate it and to have fun!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Yoga Assistant

Some of you know that my friend Laura likes to do yoga. She does yoga a lot, but there is not enough space to do it in our room, so she does it in the living room. Which means I have to get off my nice comfy bed and go into another room where my only bed is a folded-up towel.

Now, you all know that I like to be helpful, and I especially like helping my friend Laura. But I am having a hard time figuring out how I can help her with her yoga.

At first I thought I could help Laura do her balance poses. Those poses look pretty difficult, if you ask me. Laura has to twist her whole body up into these crazy pretzel shapes and do it all while standing on only one leg! So I figured I would stand beside her during balances, so she could lean on me.

Laura didn't get the hint, however. She kept trying to balance on her own, without my help. So I stood closer, right up against her leg, so she couldn't fail to notice that I was there for her.

Then Laura fell over.

She said, "Princess Kendal, I love you, but you're not being very helpful."

Okay. So she doesn't want help with balancing. But maybe I could help by keeping her company while she does her sun salutations.

Helping Laura do Yoga

Helping Laura do Yoga

That didn't turn out to be such a great idea, though. Laura moves around a lot during sun salutations, and sometimes she would kick me.

Helping Laura do Yoga

I don't like being kicked, so I decided to stay out of Laura's way until she gets to the lying-down poses.

Laura does these abdominal-strengthening poses right in the middle of her workout which look really hard. Sometimes she does this funny, heavy breathing with them, and sometimes she screws her face up in concentration.

Those poses look pretty intense and not much fun at all. And it's important to have fun. So I decided to tickle Laura to make her laugh.

I tickled her right in her arm pits.

And Laura did laugh.

But she said I wasn't being very helpful.


What is a Princess to do? I really, really wanted to help, but Laura wasn't leaving me with any options. Then I hit upon the perfect thing!

Laura is very busy. She has a lot of stuff that she has to get done every day. And all of that stuff takes time. (Some days Laura doesn't even have time to come outside and play with me because she is so busy!) One of the things that Laura does that takes time is her yoga. Another thing is that, after she does yoga, she has to have a bath.

Well, clearly Laura doesn't want me to help her with her balance work, and she doesn't want me to help her with her abdominal work, and it's too dangerous to help her with her sun salutations. But at the end of every workout, Laura lies down on her yoga mat for almost ten minutes. She just lies there, quiet and still, not doing anything.

It seemed to me that that time could be put to better use. So I figured I could help Laura by giving her a bath while she is meditating. Then she wouldn't need to have a bath afterwards, so I would be helping by saving her a lot of time.

I tried to give Laura a very good bath. I licked her arms and her legs and her fingers and her toes. I tried to lick off all the salt and make sure she was nice and clean by the time she was done meditating. But after she had rolled up her mat, Laura still went and had another bath!

I just don't know what else I can do?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Back Again

Hi everybody!

Yes, it's me, Princess Kendal. Back like a bad penny, I guess you could say--except that I'm good and priceless and everybody is always happy to see me! Anyhow... I know it's been a long, long time since I have written to you all. I would blame Laura and say that she has been hogging the computer all year (and then, when she was not on the computer, she was outside gardening and so not available to help me), but Princess's should take responsibility for their own behaviour. So I am sorry for the long absence and I promise to try harder to persuade Laura to help me with my blog this year.

So, what is new since the last time I wrote to you? Lots of things! For instance: last Sunday I became thirteen years old! Laura says thirteen is a very good age for a princess, and I agree with her. Now that I am thirteen, Laura has to give me more food, because my investigations in the yard have become very involved and I have been burning more calories doing all of that work. Plus, now that I am thirteen, my friends on Catherine Street gave me some special pink candies, and I get to eat one every Wednesday night. They are very yummy and they help me to have a nice sleep in a dry bed.

Speaking of beds: I had to change my day bed recently.

New Bed

You know how much I love my special spot under the kitchen table, where I was keeping my own bed. That used to be a very good spot for helping Laura. But then she stopped working in the kitchen. She moved her computer into this other room. And how could I continue to protect her and supervise her writing if I couldn't even see her? So I have to use this big, poofy futon as my day bed now. Sometimes, when you are a princess, you have to make sacrifices for the sake of your subjects.

What else? Oh, yes! We had a big party on Saturday to celebrate my birthday. I was confused as to why everyone came on Saturday, when my birthday was on Sunday this year, but Laura said that was just the way it had to be. Sometimes humans are funny about these things. Anyhow, it was good to see some of my friends (even if none of them brought me cookies).

I will say goodbye for now, because Laura wants the computer back, and I need to go outside soon and make sure everything is in order in my yard. (We have a lot of rabbits out there this year, and you know how much trouble rabbits can get into.) I have lots more stories to tell you, though, so I will be sure to make sure Laura makes more time to help me work on my blog this year.

Bye for now!