Lost in Translation

Laura is always telling me how smart I am -- and I think she's right. I am smart. I know this because I know a lot of human words. For instance:

I know what "breakfast time" means.

TRANSLATION: Jump on the bed and rub your face in the blankets, and if your human doesn't get the hint, stick your bum up in the air real high. (It's important to start your day with a good bum massage when you are a princess.)

And I know what "dinner time" means.

TRANSLATION: Do the happy dance:



then run into the kitchen real fast before your human gets distracted with something else:



(Humans have short attention spans. You do not want to let them get side-tracked with email or some other computer thing when it is dinner time.)

I know what "come here" means.

TRANSLATION: Crack one eye open just a sliver to see if the prize being offered is worth the effort:



And I know what "let's go for a walk" means.

TRANSLATION: Run away and hide!



I even understand "it's not time yet, Princess Kendal."

TRANSLATION: Try harder.

Compare all of that to how poorly Laura understands puppy dog.

Laura is really smart, but sometimes, when I tell her it is dinner time, she fills my water bowl, and when I tell her my water bowl is empty, she tries to make me go outside in the yard!

Sometimes I let Laura sit on my throne, because I know it makes her feel important to sit there, but when I say to her, "Laura, it's my turn now please,"



she slaps her leg and says, "Come on then," like she thinks I'm going to climb up and sit on top of her lumpy body! Some days I have a devil of a time getting her to move so I can have my throne back.



Some nights, when I tell Laura it is bed time, she just says, "Kendal, stop licking me." Then she turns back to her computer. If I persist, she looks at me again and says, "Kendal, I have no idea what you want." After all the time we have been together, Laura still doesn't understand a simple thing like bed time.

So, like I said, I think all of the human vocabulary I have picked up over the years is pretty impressive in comparison.

There's still some human speech that eludes me, however. Sometimes Laura opens her mouth and words come out and I have no idea what she's talking about. I perk up my ears and look right at her.



Still no clue.

Now, being a smart Princess, I know some tricks to help me figure out what Laura is saying, even when she uses words I don't know. Watching her body language often gives me clues, especially if she gets up and starts walking about the house.

If Laura walks to the front door, I know to be wary.



That's not such a good direction. When Laura walks that way, she's usually going out someplace and telling me how long I'm going to be left home alone -- or worse: Sometimes she wants me to go outside with her.

If Laura walks towards the back of our house, however, I perk up.



Food is in that direction!

Laura doesn't always move around when she's talking, however. Sometimes she just sits at her computer and says strange things. When she does this, I tip my head to one side.



I've seen Laura do this when she is puzzled by something. It's supposed to help you understand things better.

If the held-tipping trick doesn't work, then I squint my eyes and peer at Laura through tiny slits.



Squinting is supposed to help with understanding too -- but sometimes it just makes me fall asleep!



For all of my smarts, however, there are still times when all of the head-tipping, eye-squinting, and paying-attention-to-body-language in the world doesn't help me. Like when I give Laura my very best "I'm so cute you cannot possibly deny me," grin:



and she just smiles and says, "Princess Kendal, I admire your perseverance."

What does that mean?