Lost in Translation

Laura is always telling me how smart I am -- and I think she's right. I am smart. I know this because I know a lot of human words. For instance:

I know what "breakfast time" means.

TRANSLATION: Jump on the bed and rub your face in the blankets, and if your human doesn't get the hint, stick your bum up in the air real high. (It's important to start your day with a good bum massage when you are a princess.)

And I know what "dinner time" means.

TRANSLATION: Do the happy dance:



then run into the kitchen real fast before your human gets distracted with something else:



(Humans have short attention spans. You do not want to let them get side-tracked with email or some other computer thing when it is dinner time.)

I know what "come here" means.

TRANSLATION: Crack one eye open just a sliver to see if the prize being offered is worth the effort:



And I know what "let's go for a walk" means.

TRANSLATION: Run away and hide!



I even understand "it's not time yet, Princess Kendal."

TRANSLATION: Try harder.

Compare all of that to how poorly Laura understands puppy dog.

Laura is really smart, but sometimes, when I tell her it is dinner time, she fills my water bowl, and when I tell her my water bowl is empty, she tries to make me go outside in the yard!

Sometimes I let Laura sit on my throne, because I know it makes her feel important to sit there, but when I say to her, "Laura, it's my turn now please,"



she slaps her leg and says, "Come on then," like she thinks I'm going to climb up and sit on top of her lumpy body! Some days I have a devil of a time getting her to move so I can have my throne back.



Some nights, when I tell Laura it is bed time, she just says, "Kendal, stop licking me." Then she turns back to her computer. If I persist, she looks at me again and says, "Kendal, I have no idea what you want." After all the time we have been together, Laura still doesn't understand a simple thing like bed time.

So, like I said, I think all of the human vocabulary I have picked up over the years is pretty impressive in comparison.

There's still some human speech that eludes me, however. Sometimes Laura opens her mouth and words come out and I have no idea what she's talking about. I perk up my ears and look right at her.



Still no clue.

Now, being a smart Princess, I know some tricks to help me figure out what Laura is saying, even when she uses words I don't know. Watching her body language often gives me clues, especially if she gets up and starts walking about the house.

If Laura walks to the front door, I know to be wary.



That's not such a good direction. When Laura walks that way, she's usually going out someplace and telling me how long I'm going to be left home alone -- or worse: Sometimes she wants me to go outside with her.

If Laura walks towards the back of our house, however, I perk up.



Food is in that direction!

Laura doesn't always move around when she's talking, however. Sometimes she just sits at her computer and says strange things. When she does this, I tip my head to one side.



I've seen Laura do this when she is puzzled by something. It's supposed to help you understand things better.

If the held-tipping trick doesn't work, then I squint my eyes and peer at Laura through tiny slits.



Squinting is supposed to help with understanding too -- but sometimes it just makes me fall asleep!



For all of my smarts, however, there are still times when all of the head-tipping, eye-squinting, and paying-attention-to-body-language in the world doesn't help me. Like when I give Laura my very best "I'm so cute you cannot possibly deny me," grin:



and she just smiles and says, "Princess Kendal, I admire your perseverance."

What does that mean?

Hunting for Satellites

Last night Laura said she was going out to look for the International Space Station. Then she went out our back door.

I wasn't really sure what an International Space Station was, and usually, when Laura goes out the back door, she doesn't go very far. She just goes to look at the plants in our backyard. They're mostly plants that produce spicy food. And I like food. But princesses aren't supposed to do their own gardening, so usually I just help Laura by sitting in the kitchen and keeping watch.

But last night, Laura walked right past our plants. She opened the gate, and she walked out of the yard and far away! I decided maybe I'd better not let Laura be that far away all by herself, so I went outside to help her.

It was dark outside, and I can't see very well in the dark -- but I can still smell things! Laura has better night vision than me, but I have a more sensitive sniffer. I still wasn't sure what we were looking for, but I figured anything that was so interesting it would entice Laura away from her computer to go and look for it must smell pretty good. So I put my nose to the ground and started sniffing for that space station.

But Laura said, "Come here Princess Kendal. Come and sit by me." Then she just lay down on the grass.

Well, I'm good at lying down too -- buy I like to lie down on my nice comfy bed, not on hard, prickly grass. This seemed like a funny way to go looking for something (whatever it was), but humans do get funny ideas sometimes. Sometimes Laura's funny ideas mean I have to do stuff that's hard, like walk really far, but so far nothing really bad has come of her ideas, so I decided to just go with the flow and lie down beside her.

I had almost found a spot that was semi-comfortable when Laura said, "There it is!" Then she jumped up and started walking across the grass, following this bright light in the sky.

Turns out that's what the International Space Station is. It's just this little light that flies across the sky. You can't smell it, and you certainly can't eat it!

"There's people up there," said Laura. "People from all over the world. There's a Canadian guy up there right now. They fly the whole way around the world in an hour and a half. Isn't that cool?"

I'm not really sure how big the world is. I'm just a puppy dog. I've never been outside of Ontario. But I know it takes more than an hour and a half just to get to my Mum and Dad's house -- and that's driving in a motor car. Motor cars are already pretty fast. So, if those space station people are going further than my Mum and Dad's house in only an hour and a half, they must be going super fast. I think that's more scary than cool. (But humans have these funny ideas, like I said.)

Then Laura started running. Running. After a light in the sky.

"Come on Princess Kendal," she said. She wanted to get someplace where we could see the space station disappear over the eastern horizon.

I tried to run as fast as I could, but my legs are little, and there's lots of tall buildings and trees where we live. We ran all the way around to the front of our house, but the space station still disappeared behind the next row of houses long before it ever got near the horizon. Then Laura and I had to walk all the way around back to our back door, because the front door was locked, and Laura hadn't brought a key.

After that, I got to sleep for almost and hour and a half before I had to follow Laura outside to look for that space station again.

This time, the grass wasn't just hard and prickly, it was cold and wet too! I love Laura, but she's not royalty like me. She has no appreciation for the finer comforts of life. At least she didn't try to make me run after the space station the second time. We just watched it disappear behind the houses to the north of us, then we went back inside...

... and Laura went straight to get my lead.

"Let's go for a walk, Princess Kendal," she said.

Hey. Wait a minute. I'd gone outside with Laura two times already that day. I got off my nice day bed to go walking in the cold wet grass to look for something that turned out not to be food. And now Laura wanted me to go for a walk too? Hmph!

Well, there's a game I play with Laura when she wants me to go for a walk with her and I don't want to go. I run away!

Running away works better in my Mum and Dad's house, because it's bigger, and there's more things to run around there. At my and Laura's house, there's only the coffee table and the dining room table -- and there's no use running into the kitchen or the bathroom at all. There's no escape from those rooms, so Laura always catches me if I go there. In our big party room though, I can evade Laura for longer.

Dining room tables are especially good for running away from people who are taller than you. Laura has great big long legs, which help her to run really fast out in the open, but my short little legs are faster for running underneath tables. So I run around and around the table, and make Laura chase me. Then, when she gets close, I run under the table and get away from her again!

I keep hoping that if I make Laura chase me for long enough, she will get tired and give up.

So far, that hasn't happened.

Helping to Put the Groceries Away

Lately my big tub of kibble has been looking pretty empty. Every night Laura had to reach down further and further into it to get me my dinner.

I always get concerned when that happens. What would happen if we ran out? Princesses have sensitive stomachs. I cannot eat just anything.

Then, on Wednesday, Laura said she was going out shopping. "Don't worry, Princess Kendal," she said. "I'll be back as soon as I can, and maybe I'll bring something nice for you."

Well, Laura was gone for a long time. And when she came back home, the shopping cart was full, and her knapsack was full, and she had another big bag besides which was also full. Hurrah! More food for me! I followed Laura into the kitchen to help her put away the groceries.

Laura produced fruit and vegetables and olive oil and bread out of her knapsack. Then out of the other bag, she produced boxes, which she put in the freezer. Then she started to unpack the shopping cart. There was a big bag of soil in it, and two plants (we already had enough of those!) and a scary-looking thing that water comes out of when you tip it. (Fortunately, Laura likes to tip the water-thingy over the plants and not over me!) But there was no food for Princess Kendal. I put my nose inside the shopping cart, just to make sure, but there was nothing there. Nothing at all.



Where was my kibble?

That night, Laura had to reach down so far inside my kibble tub to find me my dinner, her head almost disappeared inside it! This was not good.

On Thursday, Laura went out with the shopping cart again. I figured she couldn't possibly be going to fetch any more plants, because we didn't have any more space in which to put them (except maybe my empty kibble tub) and we didn't need any more soil (all of the plant pots were full of that already) and Laura's food cupboards were all full too. Surely, this expedition had to be to find some food for me.

And I was right! Laura came back home with the shopping cart full of a big bag of Princess Kendal kibble!

That bag was so big, Laura couldn't get it out of the shopping cart, so she had to cut the top off in the cart and scoop out the kibble into my big kibble tub.

Well, that kibble tub was mighty empty when Laura first started on filling it, as I've said. But the new bag of kibble she brought home was really big. I watched the kibble tub get fuller and fuller.



What would happen if there wasn't room in my kibble tub for all of that food? We have to be tidy and put everything away in its proper place, and I didn't know where Laura could put my nice kibble if it wouldn't all fit in the tub.

So I decided I'd better help Laura by making sure there was room.



I like to be helpful.

Camping In

Last night, Laura was working on her computer, too late as usual, so I reminded her it was time to go to bed.

Laura said, "You're right, Princess Kendal." Then she turned off her computer and turned out the lights and lay down on the sofa.

That's not right, I thought, so I reminded Laura again, as gently as I could, that it was time to go to bed.

Laura mumbled something about it being too hot. Then she rolled over and went to sleep.

This was not working out as I had planned. Laura was correct about it being hot, however. And it is a long flight of stairs up to our bed. Sometimes Laura needs to rest to recover her energy to carry me up all those stairs. I figured that was what Laura meant, so I lay down to wait while Laura had her nap.

Three hours later, Laura was still sleeping. That is a long nap! When I tried to remind her again about going up to bed, however, she didn't even move.

Well, I am a princess. I cannot just sleep on the floor! But Laura hadn't flattened out the sofa before she fell asleep on it. It was still folded in half, which meant there wasn't very much room with Laura already stretched out on it.

Finally, I found a spot where there was room for me to jump up by Laura's feet. It wasn't a very big spot, but I was able to use Laura's feet as a pillow, which was pretty comfy.

In the morning, I decided the sofa wasn't such a bad place to sleep. It was just like camping really, where you have to sleep someplace strange, only without the bugs and the scary fire. Plus, when we woke up, I didn't have to go downstairs to get my breakfast because I already was downstairs! I liked that part the best.

What If...?

Last night, Laura was playing a game of "What If...?" in which she was brainstorming ideas for some stories she might like to write. I always like to try to help Laura, so I decided I would play too.

I didn't come up with as many ideas as Laura, but I had one that I thought was pretty good. How about this:

What if everybody knew that I am a Princess?

What do you think?

I think that could be a good story. Think about it:

1. If everyone knew that I am a Princess, I wouldn't have to be bored anymore when Laura is working on her computer, because I would always have people to play with me. Everybody wants to be in the presence of royalty, so my loyal subjects would be lining up every day to visit me, and they would all want to stroke my ears, rub my tummy, and give me nice bum massages.

2. If everyone knew that I am a Princess, I wouldn't have to stay behind when Laura goes out, because nobody would dare to say that a Princess couldn't come into their house.

3. If everyone knew that I am a Princess, I wouldn't have to walk anywhere anymore. Every time Laura wanted to go for a walk, my loyal subjects would build a chariot for me and they would carry me in it, so I could be with Laura on her walks and still sleep.

That's a story I would like to read.

When I told Laura about it, however, she said, "Thank you, Princess Kendal" in that way people do when they're being polite but they're not really going to use your idea.

Hmph!

Night Patrol

Usually when Laura is in the bathroom, I like to rest on our bed. I know it's my job to be with Laura and look after her and protect her from bad people, but sometimes even a Princess needs a break. Our bathroom is in the middle of our house, so I figure Laura is safe in there.

Last night, however, while Laura was having her bath, I heard scary noises. There were explosions going off outside. Lots of them. Sometimes a whole bunch of little ones in quick succession and sometimes really loud ones.

I ran into the bathroom as quickly as I could to make sure Laura was okay, and I sat right beside her while she had her bath to keep her safe and help her not to be frightened.

House Rules

One thing I don't like about visiting is that some people have funny house rules.

Like at my Mum and Dad's house: They have a really big room with all sorts of comfy furniture in it -- but they only let humans sit on the furniture! What is up with that? Also, my Mum keeps most of the beds in secret rooms behind closed doors. Only my Dad lets me go in his bedroom, but his bed is really tall, and I cannot jump that high.

There is one room, however, in which Laura and I usually stay when we visit. That room is supposed to have my bed in it. But ever since Laura moved our big red bed to our new home, it's been hard to find a place to sleep in my Mum and Dad's house, even in our old room.


Hmph! Laura didn't leave much room up here for me. I don't know why all of her bags need to be on this sofa.


Hah! I made a spot for me!


Shh! Don't tell anyone I'm up here!


Uh-oh. Someone's coming.


If I pretend to be asleep, maybe they won't make me get down.